justincheah.com™

I was three.
My grandma decided to walk to a nearby minimart to buy some things. Some onions, a milo refill pack perhaps, sugar, a pack of cigarettes. I don’t know. At three years old, it didn’t matter.

She brought me along. I was too old to be carried, so i walked beside her. She held on tightly to my hand, and i wondered if grown-ups knew that sometimes it hurt to be held like that. I looked up and saw her look back at me. She was so tall! Looking back, i now realize that my grandma always had a certain elegance about her. Even in slippers and pajamas, she walked like a queen, with her chin up and shoulders square.
After a while, we came to the main road, where cars were racing past. I felt like i was old enough to cross the road on my own, but my grandma held on even tighter as we waited to cross. Maybe she was scared to cross by herself. She does walk rather slow at home.

The minimart was a true heaven to me then. High shelves of colorful packages, sweets, candies, and chocolate bars.. and toys! Roaming the different aisles of treats was so exciting, and i shuffled along until i came to the canned-food section, where everything was just dusty and dull. I frowned and turned back towards the front of the shop.
It was only then that i realized i didn’t know where my grandma was. I looked from side to side and decided that she probably left for home without me. How could she! I quickly decided to walk home, eager to prove that i was old enough to be on my own. So i marched back home, crossing the roads carefully and looking both ways before crossing, just like my mom always told me to.

My grandma did not go home yet. Rather, she was in a different aisle selecting groceries, when she suddenly realized that I wasn’t there beside her. She panicked! Without a mobile phone (it was 1989) she could not inform my parents. She began a frantic search around the shop and the shops beside, calling out for me. Desperate and anxious, she spent some time running about, before rushing home to ask my parents for help, or to call the police. What if someone had taken me away!

But there I was, at home, looking at her and being puzzled at why grandma always walked so slowly.
She cried out with tears of relief. I was safe!

I guess the situation is now reversed.

Although she passed away on Monday, and i feel like i’ve lost her.
Although i feel like someone has taken her away, although i feel like i might never see her again..
I know that when i go home someday, my real home for eternity,

She’ll be there.
safe.